In my restless dreams, I see that town. Silent Hill. You promised you'd take me there again someday. But you never did. Well I'm alone there now... In our "special place"... Waiting for you...

Waiting for you to come to see me. But you never do and so I wait, wrapped in my caccoon of pain and loneliness. I know I've done a terrible thing to you, something you'll never forgive me for. I wish I could change that but I can't. I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here, waiting for you. Every day I stare up at the cracks in the ceiling and all I can think about is how unfair it all is. The doctor came today, he told me I could go home for a short stay. It's not that I am getting better, it's just that this maybe my last chance, I think you know what I mean. Even so I am glad to be coming home I've missed you terribly but... I'm afraid James, I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home. Whenever you come see me I can tell how hard it is on you. I don't know if you hate me or pitty me or maybe i disgust you.

I'm sorry about that. When I first learned I was going to die, I just didn't want to accept it. I was so angry all the time and I struck out at everyone I loved most, especially you James. Thats why I understand if you do hate me but I want you to know this James.
I'll always love you. Even though our life together had to end like this. I still wouldn't trade it for the world. We had some wonderful years together. Well, this letter has gone on too long, so I'll say goodbye. I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone, that means that as you read this I'm already dead. I can't tell you to remember me but I can't bare for you to forget me these last few years since I became ill. I am so sorry for what I did to you, did to us. You've given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing. That's why I want you to live, for yourself now. Do whats best for you James.

James... you made me happy.

Maria Shepherd Sunderland